


Kintsugi

by bbe1989



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, except not really because their good relationship is CANON now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbe1989/pseuds/bbe1989
Summary: He remembered what it was like, back then. Laughing at each other’s bad jokes. Teasing each other. Pressed hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder.They had been so young then - foolish and naive.Everyone told them that they should just forget all about it. Move on with their lives.But neither of them wanted to do that.
Relationships: Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 22
Kudos: 84





	Kintsugi

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Inspired by catharsis by bestiztfics, amazing author, long time friend, please go read her fic. I don’t take the exact characterizations, but there are a few head canons that I’m shamelessly lifting from her fics because it’s gr8  
> Also big shout out to my entire taoris gang gang (honestly too many names to list but you know EXACTLY who you are) for getting me hyped to write taoris again and just exploding with excitement because honestly i feel like i have been resurrected from the dead
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This is all FICTIONAL. And purely fangirl speculation, I’m not saying that this is what happened between wyf or hzt or that they act/think like this irl but honestly my heart needed some healing and I wanted to just write something that filled in some of the holes and connected the dots between what happened in 2014 and now because the two of them are CUTER THAN EVER NOW ON CHUANG2020 WHAT IS GOING ON

  
  


  
  


He remembered what it was like, back then. Laughing at each other’s bad jokes. Teasing each other. Pressed hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder.

They had been so young then - foolish, naive, and too trusting of a world which eventually chewed them up and spat them out.

Everyone told him he should just forget all about it. To move on with his life.

But how could they ever understand?

That the two of them, for a little while, had wanted the same thing. They’d shared a bed and a dream, and fell asleep each night to the sound of each other’s breaths. They had been so sure that they would always be together. That the bond between them was something special, something that ran much deeper than could be described by words. They had thought that it would be strong enough to push them through whatever it was life chose to gave them.

But it wasn’t.

There wasn’t enough time - to remember what his clothes smelled like, to remember the warmth of his body, to remember what it was like to love someone as deeply as he had then.

For years, all he had left to remember was the pain of letting go.

  
  


-

  
  


_This was the right combination, right? Yeah, it had to be._

For whatever reason, Wu Yifan’s hands were sweaty as he attempted to punch in the code to the apartment for the third time in a row. God. He was going to be 30 this year, and here he was, feeling as nervous as a teenager going on their first date.

Finally, he got the door to the damn apartment to open. He held it open with his foot, bending down to pick up the greasy bag of fast food that he’d gone out for in the first place.

He shouldered his way through the door, pushing it closed until he heard the lock slide back into place. Then he toed off his shoes, nearly tripping in the dark as he tried to maneuver his way through the unfamiliar space. He slipped on the closest pair of house slippers he could find, slowly feeling his way through the darkness of the hallway as he padded through the entry way and into the kitchen.

“I’m back!” He announced to his companion, who remained seated on the living room sofa with their back turned towards him. Yifan busied himself setting the bag of food down on the kitchen island, pulling everything out as he set them neatly out on the bar.

“They were out of the fried chicken so I got you a burger instead,” he announced, only to pause when a thought suddenly struck him. “You… you still like burgers, right?”

It would be hard to find someone who _didn’t_ like greasy burgers, but then again, he hadn’t really asked, had he? He realized, with a sort of sinking feeling, that he’d just made an assumption based off of information that was - _god_ \- six years old now.

They hadn’t been together like this in six **_years_**.

He tried not to focus on the tightness in his chest.

Instead, he turned to face the other person in the room, the small smile on his face fading as he noticed just how uncharacteristically quiet they were.

_“…Tao…?”_

There was no response, and Yifan wasn’t quite sure what to say about it.

The last time they’d talked in person had been nearly a year ago at Luhan’s place, and even then, there wasn’t much time to catch up - not when there had been something (or someone) more important to focus on.

When they found out they’d be appearing on a show together with Luhan though, they’d planned to catch up over coffee. But what was only supposed to be a one time thing had suddenly turned into a several-hours-a-day every-day-of-the-week type of get together that had, just today, extended into the evening with an invitation to come back to Tao’s apartment. Tao always had that effect on him, drawing him in deeper and deeper until Yifan realized that it was too late to make it anything less than what it was.

And what it was, was…

Well, what was it, exactly?

A chat between two old coworkers? Or was it more accurate to describe themselves as friends with benefits? Ex-lovers, even?

The mutual attraction was still there under the surface, obviously, from the way Tao had looked at him the other day. Six years hadn’t changed _that_. But were they still…?

Shaking himself of his thoughts, Yifan wiped his hands against his joggers and made his way over to the younger boy _(actually - he was a **man** now, wasn’t he?)_.

“Hey, what’re you looking at?” Yifan asked, as soon as he was close enough to see that Tao was absorbed in whatever it was he was reading on his phone. Some kind of article, from the looks of it.

Approaching the couch from the back, he draped himself over it, letting his arms dangle and propping his chin up on Tao’s shoulder. Then he sated his curiosity, and looked down.

\- only to be confronted by a wave of painful memories, when he finally realized what Tao was looking at.

The painfully candid photo was one he instantly recognized. It was the one some disgusting paparazzi had snapped of Tao’s crying face back in 2015. He’d seen it just once, just like he’d read that article just once, because it had been too painful to read it again. The feelings he had toward it then were both just the same and completely different as they were now, but what hadn’t changed at all was how it never failed to evoke a strong reaction in him.

His heart throbbed.

Yifan plucked the phone out of Tao’s fingers, clearing that tab (and the subsequent wave of similar others that popped up after it) with a quick swipe of his finger.

“What the hell are you doing?” Yifan asked hoarsely, perhaps coming off a little bit harsher than he intended. “Why are you reading that?”

An audible sniffle made him pause.

“...Tao?”

When his companion still refused to respond, Yifan stood back up, making his way quickly around the couch only to find that Tao was - _shit, Tao was crying_.

It shouldn’t have affected him. He’d seen Tao cry countless times before. The boy had always been a blubbering mess of emotions, always teary-eyed about something or another.

But still, it had been six long years.

And to see Tao sitting there silently fighting back tears - looking shattered and small and just as young as he looked the first day Yifan had ever met him - it was enough to put a lump in his own throat.

Yifan hadn’t been expected to be a very ‘soft’ man in years. Back when he’d been in the band, there had been an expectation there on all the members, to show a side of themselves to their fans that could be seen as the ‘sweet, caring boyfriend’ type. Some members had taken to it more easily and more naturally than others, but for Yifan it had always felt so put upon, so forced, that it had made Yifan uncomfortable at times. It made him withdraw, made him come off as cold and uncaring when all he really wanted to do was to hide.

Now, with a reputation to uphold as a serious artist, he found himself having to put on a completely different persona. He was a ‘professional’. A solo artist. A rapper. And that came with a different set of problems. It was harder, now, to show any emotion at all, because nobody ever _expected_ him to anymore.

Tao had always been different. He wore his emotions and his vulnerabilities on his sleeve, always saying what he felt and not being afraid to feel it, even if it brought him pain. But what he’d wanted from Yifan then - _what he needed from Yifan now_ \- it was something that Yifan had always **wanted** to give him. Because even if he didn’t often like to show it, it still hurt him to see Tao like this.

“Hey,” Yifan said softly, “why are you bringing up memories like that? I thought we were past that.”

 _“...are we?”_ Tao said in a voice so thick with misery and doubt that it made Yifan’s heart throb again. Yifan sat down on the couch beside him, leaning a little back and holding open his arms for Tao to crowd up into them for comfort as he always had back then.

To his surprise, Tao stayed put.

After a moment, Yifan dropped his arms back to his sides, at a loss for words.

Tao had never been like this before. Quiet, contemplative. He’d technically been an adult back then too, but now he came off with a bitter maturity that Yifan hadn’t seen in him before - and one that Yifan didn’t particularly like. Yifan realized, with a pang of guilt, that it was something Tao had probably developed in the time they’d spent apart. He wasn’t sure why that thought hurt him - whether it was because Tao had actually grown up without him around, or the fact that Tao had only had to do so when he’d had no one else left to support him. Then again, Yifan knew what that felt like. He’d been in the same boat then too, and the two of them had been so bullish in their ways that they hadn’t wanted to admit that to each other.

But here they were now. Two completely different people - yet in so many ways - still the same.

“If I didn’t think we were, I wouldn’t have signed up for the show on my own accord,” Yifan eventually said. “I got in trouble with my management for it, you know.”

With another wet sniff, Tao glanced over with red, watery eyes.

“What for?” He asked.

Yifan bit his lip as he considered whether or not he wanted to be straightforward with his response. The Tao from six years ago would have wanted him to, but, did he now?

“They were worried I wouldn’t be able to keep my distance.”

Blinking slowly, Tao’s cheeks reddened just a little bit before he looked away.

“That used to be _my_ problem, not yours,” Tao said after a moment.

“...Yeah, you couldn’t keep your hands off me, could you?”

He hadn’t meant it as a negative. He’d liked it. Liked the way Tao had always laughed around him, always gravitated toward him with that bright, sunny smile of his. He liked it, when the two of them had been so close that they were almost always touching - a hand on the shoulder, a slap on the thigh, an arm hooked around his.

But a strained silence fell back over them again for a moment as Yifan watched Tao struggle to come up with a response. His eyes darted back and forth, as if trying to figure out what it was he wanted to say. Tao hadn’t been the type to filter his words before - not with Yifan. Why was he doing it now?

“...if you want,” Tao eventually said, “we can make sure Lu-ge sits in between us. Or I could sit further apart. Out of your line of sight.”

Yifan stared at him, confused.

“...why would you think I want that?” Yifan asked quietly.

“You never felt comfortable doing skinship with me in the past.”

“Yeah, but that was…”

“Yifan,” Tao suddenly said, sitting up straighter.

“What?”

“I know I might not look that different, but… I’m older now. I’m not as … weak. You know? So I … I can handle it. You really don’t need to sugar coat it. I won’t push for anything and I’ll… I’ll take whatever you give me. Even if - even if you don’t -” Tao paused, closing his eyes for a second as if to gather courage. “I just … I don’t want to make things hard for you anymore. I want to be your friend.”

Yifan found himself at a loss for words. Was this what Tao thought he wanted? That he was … _disgusted_ by Tao, and didn’t want to be seen near him? That he hadn’t wanted their friendship and the… the feelings they’d shared with each other then? That couldn’t have been further from the truth and he would have thought that this week would have proved that to Tao. Evidently though, there was a large gap between their two realities. One that made him feel more hurt than he had in a long, long time.

“What if I don’t want to be friends?” Yifan couldn’t help but to blurt out, regretting the words that came out of his mouth immediately when he saw how Tao interpreted it. Tao’s face plummeted with devastation for a second, only for it to be quickly covered up by a blank mask seconds later.

“Then I … I can learn to accept that.”

Yifan buried his head in his hands.

_Jesus christ, everything was fucked._

He had foolishly hoped that everything had worked itself out - that even though they hadn’t explicitly talked about it, that the way they acted around each other now in public implied that whatever that had been going on between them had finally resolved itself. But he realized now that neither of their wounds had ever healed, not when neither of them had ever really talked through what they thought had happened back then.

“You know, I thought for the longest time that you hated me,” Tao confessed to him, when it became evident Yifan wasn’t going to respond. “And I said such stupid, shitty things that I didn’t mean. And I just - I never thought that I would ever be here with you again. L-like this. And I - _I just…_ ”

Tao’s voice was breaking. And there was that raw brightness in his eyes again.

 _“...it hurt me, when you left, you know?”_ Tao eventually said.

Yifan clenched his jaw again. The memories of that time bubbled back up again. That year, that month when it had first happened, and the weeks that followed - they were ones that Yifan tried his hardest to forget.

“I know,” Yifan told him quietly. “It hurt me too.”

For a while, neither of them said a word, forgetting completely about the food on the counter as they both withdrew into their thoughts. There was so much to say, but now that there was finally time to say it, neither of them really knew where to start.

If he drew only on what he’d felt at the time, he would only needlessly hurt Tao with it, and he suspected Tao felt the same way. It was almost like a game of tag, with the two of them alternating between opening their mouths as if to talk - only to change their mind and click their mouths shut again.

Would it be worth it to start with the good things? Yifan thought to himself.

To bond over their shared happy memories. To look back on things fondly, rather than dredging things up in anger. But that was like patching up a gaping wound with a bandaid, wasn’t it? Just a temporary fix to a larger problem that they both knew existed.

But maybe, maybe if -

“Do you remember the last time we were all together?” Tao asked, breaking the silence before Yifan could.

Yifan looked over, meeting Tao’s guarded gaze.

Yes, he remembered. He remembered how they’d worked themselves to the bone, throwing themselves into their work. Preparing for their first big concert in Seoul that Yifan would never end up showing up to.

“Yeah,” Yifan said simply, “I do.”

Tao nodded, looking down again.

“And do you remember what we did that night before you left?” Tao asked.

Yifan blinked, thinking back to that last night when all twelve of them had been in a hotel together. It had been late, by the time the two of them had retired to their room, and Yifan had been exhausted, but he still - he still remembered what had happened _vividly -_ how could he not?

“...we kissed, didn’t we? And then we...”

Warm lips on his. Hands, sliding up against his chest and pushing him against the wall. Arms wrapped around his neck. Tight, crushing heat and long, low moans. And Tao’s soft voice, whispering into his ear - “哥，我喜欢你.”

“No,” Tao said, pulling him abruptly out of his thoughts. “I kissed _you_.”

Yifan blinked, frowning when he didn’t understand what Tao meant, at least not until Tao continued on to say -

“Then you left the next day. And I - and I thought ...”

Suddenly, the implication was made very clear to Yifan, who found his heart breaking open all over again. He sat up in a hurry, reaching out to Tao who only seemed to want to shy away from his touch.

“Tao, no, stop it, _wait! Listen_ to me, I didn’t leave because of _that_ , I left because - well - it didn’t have anything to do with _you_ , with _us_. Tao please, just look at me, I’m sorry -”

 _“Stop telling me you’re fucking sorry when none of it was your fucking **fault**!!”_ Tao shouted, putting an end to Yifan’s onslaught of words. “None of it... none of it was your fucking fault, okay? _I_ was the one who pushed my feelings onto you. _I_ was the one who said all those nasty things about you. _I_ was the one who pushed you even farther away. I was hurt - I was so **fucking** hurt but that doesn’t change the fact that it was _my_ fault - and so I-I’m - I’m _sorry - I’m so, fucking, sorry._ ”

The tears were streaming down Tao’s face again, and Yifan could do nothing but to watch as Tao scrubbed them away stubbornly with his fists, continuing to speak through a thick, wet voice.

“There’s not a day that goes by that I - that I don't regret what I said to you then. What I did to you. So just… just tell me, okay? Just tell me. You hated me in that moment, didn’t you?”

Yifan couldn’t lie and said that he hadn’t felt something then that was akin to hate. But that was just it - it _wasn’t_. He might have thought it was, for the first few days, but when the days continued to pass on and the raw emotion he’d felt faded into something else, he realized that he had never hated Tao at all. Not even back then. He’d hated what had happened between them. Hated that whatever they had - whatever they’d _been_ \- was gone. The loss hurt, more than he cared to admit. And it was something that could _never_ be replaced.

But that didn’t mean Yifan couldn’t rebuild it. Make it stronger than what it had been before, even though it might have seemed impossible in that moment.

“I... I was hurt, yes,” Yifan finally admitted. “And for a long time, I didn’t want to let it go. I couldn’t - no, I _didn’t_ \- want to think about you. But I still _did_. I _wanted_ to talk to you, I _wanted_ to explain what happened. But there was a lawsuit and lawyers involved, and all those fucking rumors flying around, and I couldn’t get close enough to you to tell you before you found out what had happened for yourself.”

“You could have left me a _note_ -”

“And what the hell did you expect to write? _‘Thanks for the fuck, I gotta go, **deuces** ’_? It wasn’t that easy, Tao - _none of it_ was ever easy. But believe me when I tell you that I never for a moment _hated_ you.”

Tao finally let his arms fall to his side, letting Yifan see for himself just how much Yifan’s words were affecting him. Tao was still crying, yes, but now it seemed like he was finally listening. Yifan was getting through to him, and although Tao still looked sad, he also didn’t look as hurt by it as he did just a few minutes ago.

Yifan took the opportunity to inch a little closer, angling his body to his old bandmate as he reached out to take one of Tao’s shivering hands. He tangled their fingers together, lending Tao a bit of his warmth, and squeezing as tightly as he could.

“I _was_ real fucking angry at you, seeing you on TV, watching you talk to other celebrities and letting them _touch_ you,” Yifan confessed, “but honestly, I thought _you_ were the one who hated _me_. It seemed like it, from all the shit you said. Like you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore - ”

“ _I don’t hate you, you fucking asshole_ … _!_ ” Tao sobbed, throwing himself into Yifan’s lap and wrapping his arms around Yifan’s neck. _“I...I don’t!”_

Even though the sound of Tao’s heaving sobs made a tear or two leak out of the corner of his own eyes, Yifan couldn’t help but to feel a huge sense of relief and joy as he wrapped his own arms around Tao’s waist and held him close. Finally, _this_ was the Tao he knew. Not the cold, distant one who had pushed him away, not the one who faked a smile on television and pretended not to care. Childish, emotional, impudent, _beautiful, touching, vibrant, cheerful, full of **warmth** \- ! _This was the Tao that he - that he ...

Tao sobbed something into his collar, so thick with snot and tears that Yifan couldn’t help but to choke out a laugh.

“What? What’d you say?” He asked, pulling Tao away so that he could hear him clearly. Tao was crying so hard that he was shaking, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he shed those ridiculously pretty double tears that he was known for. God, he had forgotten just how pretty Tao looked, when he was like this. Yifan was so busy staring, so busy remembering and re-memorizing every feature of Tao’s face that he almost forgot to pay attention to what he was saying. But then he heard it, an almost endless flow of words that slipped out of Tao’s lips over and over again.

 _“Don’t - leave - me -”_ Tao sobbed, sucking in a gasping breath between each word. _“I - promise - I - won’t - do - anything - bad - again - so - don’t - leave - me - don’t - go - Wu Yifan - please - don’t - leave - me - **again**...!”_

...

Yifan blinked, feeling the sting as his own tears began to drip onto his cheeks. He listened to Tao continue to whine and sob, scrubbing at his eyes like a fucking child, and everything in him surged. All the shit he’d been feeling since the day they’d first met, to that last night they’d spent together, to that fucking day when he saw Tao standing there on the stage beside him as the clock ticked down to the new year.

_Nothing could replace all those years they’d missed. Nothing - !_

With a wet sob of his own, he held Tao as close as he could with one hand, gripping Tao’s hips with the other and pulling Tao further onto his lap. Tao dug his wet face into his shoulder, but that was okay, because he pressed his own against Tao’s neck, breathing in the familiar and comforting smell of Tao’s warm skin.

_“Don’t - **leave** \- me -”_

_“Tao, you idiot, I - I’m not gonna leave you,”_ he told him, through a voice made embarrassingly hoarse through tears. _“I’m going to stay right here, o-okay? I’m going to stay right here, so don’t cry, please, you’re breaking my heart...!”_

 _“I love you, you stupid fucking jerk,”_ Tao continued to sob, pounding his fist halfheartedly against Yifan’s chest. _“I’ve loved you for **years** , and I still love you - but I - I’m scared…!”_

God, it was like he’d never left.

It was like it was just the two of them again, in their tiny little dorm room.Tao, with his head against his chest, whispering the same words that always made him ache.

 _“I love you too,”_ Yifan finally admitted. Even if it had been years, he still felt the same.

_“You’re **lying** , you don’t, you don’t - love - … !”_

Yifan pushed Tao back, just enough so that he could grab Tao’s wet cheeks and force Tao to look at him. If the tears on his own cheeks weren’t enough, then he hoped what was in his own eyes was enough to convey what he felt and how strongly he felt it.

 _“Do you believe me now?”_ He asked, only to watch that beautiful face crumple all over again.

This time, he did what he’d wanted to do ever since he saw him on that stage again.

He closed his eyes, and pressed his lips against Tao’s.

  
  


-

  
  


God, Tao’s naked body was something he never really forgot. During those nights alone, when he closed his eyes and inched his own hand under his pants, he imagined it. How hard it made him. How it always made him drip with want.

_“No, don’t, stop, I don’t want -”_

Yifan ripped his hands away from Tao and leaned back as fast as he could, his heart rate jumping as he realized what he’d been doing. It was too soon, wasn’t it? Tao wouldn’t want him - not now. Not when they’d just ripped open old wounds and laid everything bare. Yifan would always want him, but, that didn’t mean _Tao_ did - how could he think -

Ending Yifan’s self doubt, Tao flipped himself onto his back and reached up toward him.

“I … I want to look at you, when we do it. Please…?” Tao asked.

_…oh._

The tension seeped out of Yifan, only to be replaced by a slow, all encompassing warmth. He slowly lowered himself back on top of his lover, bracketing Tao’s head with his arms. They stared at each other for a while, sharing a moment in meaningful silence.

“...Okay,” Yifan finally said, bending down to press a kiss against Tao’s lips. “Okay.”

He was already hard and dripping. Back then, Tao had always gone wild for Yifan’s dick, always extolling how _big_ and _thick_ and _long_ it was. It always almost made Yifan cum the moment he slipped inside of Tao, and even just thinking about Tao’s filthy moans made Yifan leak precum.

Still, it had been a long time, and Yifan didn’t want to hurt Tao. Not during the first time they were going to have sex after six years.

He had always fantasized about eating Tao out until he was nice and sloppy and loose, but Tao didn’t seem to want him to move away. The only alternative was to use spit and his fingers, but that would probably still hurt Tao, given how big his fingers were and how awkward the angle was.

“We’re going to have to prep you somehow...” Yifan said, trailing off.

Tao immediately wriggled his arm free, pointing at the closest nightstand.

“I’ve got a bottle of lube in the top drawer.”

Yifan clambered over to the nightstand, pulling the drawer open only to find the aforementioned bottle. He picked it up, frowning as he righted it and watched the liquid settle back down to the bottom. There was enough to use, but it was almost empty.

Yifan felt a trickle of red hot anger in his gut.

He wasn’t angry at Tao, but the implication definitely pissed him off. The idea that someone had been there after him. That someone else had taken what had always been his. Seen the types of faces that only he had seen Tao make. Tao had moaned someone else’s name, not his, and the thought of it made him clench his jaw tightly.

Who the _fuck_ was it?! Was it just one person? Multiple? ...had it been serious? Had Tao told someone else the same things he told Yifan?

No. Yifan knew that at least. Tao hadn’t. What they had was… special. And he knew that Tao understood that.

But it still made his chest ache, for what had been lost. For the fact that during those six years spent apart, Tao hadn’t been his.

There was nothing he could do about it now, though. All he could do now was to make sure Tao remembered who exactly it was he belonged to.

Spreading lube onto his hands, he capped the bottle closed against the side of his leg before tossing it haphazardly back onto the nightstand. He made his way back over to Tao, taking his place between Tao’s legs. He jerked himself hard again. He’d gone a little soft, imagining Tao getting fucked by someone else, but staring down at Tao’s naked body again, spread out before him like a buffet, and it wasn’t that hard to get himself ready again. It didn’t hurt that Tao caught him staring and stuck his fingers into his mouth with a moan. God, he had missed how slutty Tao could be. Staring at Yifan through half-lidded eyes and occasionally glancing down at Yifan’s hard cock, Tao knew exactly what he was doing. He got his fingers nice and wet with his tongue before sliding his hand down his chest and slipping it between his legs to finger himself open. Yifan found himself as mesmerized by the rocking motion of Tao’s fingers as he was by the changing expression on Tao’s face. It must have felt good, because Tao’s eyes fluttered closed, and a long, low groan slipped out of those curved, wet lips.

Yifan couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled Tao’s fingers out with a growl, grabbing a hold of Tao’s legs and slinging them around his own waist. He rolled his hips carefully forward, letting the tip of his cock kiss Tao’s hole and feeling it twitch and shudder against him with every one of Yifan’s teasing movements.

The slick sound it made every time Yifan’s dick slid over it had them both groaning. Finally, Yifan adjusted his position, gripping onto Tao’s legs tighter as Tao grabbed hold of the bedsheets in flushed anticipation. Yifan began to press his dick in, earning a deep, filthy moan from Tao’s lips as his hole began to yield to the pressure. It stretched obscenely around the tip of Yifan’s dick, catching for just one heart-stopping second against Tao’s rim before slipping through in with a slick _pop!_

Tao’s back arched, his eyes crossing just a little. Yifan didn’t give Tao a chance to breathe though, leaning forward with a groan and pushing himself in as deep as he could. Tao scrambled against the sheets, garbling out some kind of curse as he was forced wide open. It was both everything he remembered it being but also better than anything he could have imagined, and Tao could only bare his teeth and toss his head back when he felt the tip scrape up against his prostate. He breathed harshly through his clenched teeth, body tense as he struggled not to come on Yifan’s dick like an inexperienced teenager.

Just as Tao began to relax back into the sheets, Yifan pulled out abruptly. He snapped his hips forward sharply, going balls deep into his lover with one thrust and making Tao thrash his head back in a silent scream.

 _“Ohhhhhh my god, oh ffffuck, your dick,”_ Tao gasped reverently as he felt it hit something inside of him that he hadn’t been able to reach in years. “Jesus christ - I forgot - how good - your dick _iiiiiiissss - oh **FUCK** …!!! Fuck me!_”

With pleasure.

Yifan let go of Tao’s legs in favor of holding Tao by his waist instead, using the grip he had on them to pull Tao in towards him at the same time as he slapped his hips forward. The result - practically being used as a cocksleeve for Yifan’s pleasure - immediately had Tao’s mouth gaping open, shocked filthy moan after shocked filthy moan flying out of his lips faster and faster as Yifan began to pick up the pace.

 _“W-wait - ffffffuck - !”_ Tao started, only to squeal embarrassingly like a girl when Yifan began to pick up the pace instead.

Yifan’s cock was perfect- so good- curved in just the right way, oh god, his prostate was taking a battering- it was making him lose his breath and his goddamn _mind...!_

“Wuh, _wait_ , Yifan, you’re gonna - _ffuhhhhhhhck_ \- you’re gonna make me - already, _oh my god_ -”

Tao’s dick jerked, slapping against his stomach in rhythm as a puddle of precum began to form underneath it.

 _“Does... that feel good?”_ Yifan groaned, leaning down to give Tao a soft kiss. “Does 哥 make you feel good?”

“What… the fuck… do you thinkkkkk you piece of ssshhhhit shit **_shitttt_** _!”_ Tao squeaked out, wrapping his arms around Yifan’s neck and scraping his nails down Yifan’s back. “You… shitty asshole… always… _t-t-teasing me…!”_

 _“Fuck, you like it, don’t you?”_ Yifan groaned into his ear. _“You liked it… when I tease you. You like it when… I praise you. You like it... when I only have my eyes… on you…!”_

Although the tips of his ears turned a bright red, Tao refused to say anything in response, digging his face into Yifan’s forearm as if to hide himself away.

That wouldn’t do, Yifan thought.

So he reared back up onto his knees and took Tao with him, forcing a yelp out of Tao as he crossed his legs behind Yifan’s waist to prevent himself from falling. Tao got a scraping thrust right up against his prostate for his efforts, and the new angle made his eyes immediately cross and his mind go a little stupid.

 _“Tell me,”_ Yifan panted, punctuating each word with a hard thrust. When Tao still refused to speak, he focused his efforts, angling his thrusts to pummel away at Tao’s prostate until the man finally broke.

 _“Oh-oh-oh-ohhhh- **okaaaaay**!”_ Tao cried out, trying to shift away only to be prevented by Yifan’s firm hands. _“Ahhhh, fuckkkkk, okay, I - I like it! I love ihhhh- oh **shit** , oh fuck me!”_

 _“I never loved anyone like I loved you,”_ Yifan confessed with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut when he felt Tao begin to clench around him. _“I never fucked anyone else, never looked at anyone the way I looked at you, not once!”_

_“Yifan - Yifan - I’m cuh-Mming!”_

Tao’s eyes grew hazy and dull, drooling from his open mouth as his back arched for a tense second - and then it hit him all at once. With a shocked, wheezing groan, he began to cum, shooting his pleasure out between them. Rather than letting up, Yifan renewed his efforts, wanting to prolong Tao’s orgasm as long as he could, rewarded when Tao’s groans went up an octave - and then another. Tao came in uncontrollable spurts, shaking and shuddering and curling his toes when every thrust punched a hole in his gut and made another splatter of cum streak weakly across his already wet chest.

Just as he felt like he was about to pass out, his orgasm finally let go of him. Tao collapsed into Yifan moments later, face red and heaving for breath as he tried to regain his composure. Yifan though, who had miraculously hung on the entire time Tao had been clenching uncontrollably around him, was not about to let it end.

He let Tao rest for a second, still held up and speared on Yifan’s dick, but the moment Tao’s breath began to even back out, Yifan was pressing up and in again, making Tao _squeal_ and buck away.

 _“Sih-sensitive!”_ He yelped, trying to pull himself off of Yifan’s dick. But Yifan let go of Tao’s hips and let gravity do the work, making Tao slam right back down and piercing him right on his battered prostate.

Tao screamed hoarsely, throwing his head back and seizing in Yifan’s arms as the flush on his cheeks began to spread down his chest. Yifan watched it all with hungry eyes, eyes growing dark with lust even as the jealousy from before seeped back into him. Someone else had seen this before, hadn’t they?

Bending forward again, Yifan let a trembling Tao topple back down onto the sheets, only to follow him moments later and press him down with his body.

“Tell me, 宝贝,” Yifan muttered, relentlessly rocking his hips forward to the high pitched whining moans that came continuously out of Tao’s drooling mouth.

“Wh-what - ?” Tao barely had the coherency to answer back, too busy thrashing his head from side to side to escape the overstimulating pleasure that almost bordered on pain.

“Tell me their names.”

“Wh-wh- _who…?_ ”

_“The men who touched you. Who had you after me? Who else has seen you like this?!”_

Tao’s mouth gaped open again, unable to answer when Yifan pressed into him again. Words refused to form themselves, and he tossed his head back when Yifan caught on and began slamming in his hips as hard as he could.

 _“N-nnnno one, I sw-swear…!”_ Tao finally screamed, stuttering out every word while scratching bloody red trails down Yifan’s back. _“No one e-e-else, j-just you…!”_

_“Liar. You used that lube up somehow, didn’t you?”_

_“WITH MYSELF, YOU FUCKING DICK!”_ Tao snarled out indignantly, slapping Yifan on his back. _“Ah, shit, I only - there was - there was no one else. I just - I thought of y-y-youuuu every time, f-fuck, u-used a vibrator. Th-thought of you, fucking me - like, like this, oh **fuck** , Yifan, I’m - gonna -”_

Only to find himself aching and desperate when the thrusts stopped all of a sudden.

Tao tried to rock his hips as best as he could, but the weight above him was unyieldingly still. Tao whimpered.

_“Move, please, Yifan… I - I’m so close - a-again -”_

_“...there … there really was … no one else?”_

Panting, Yifan pulled back far enough to meet Tao’s gaze.

_“You… you really only thought of me?”_

Yifan had long since lost his composure. Twitching inside of Tao’s and looking as disheveled as he felt, Yifan somehow felt as though he weren’t in control anymore. Not when Tao stared back up at him with eyes that burned with fire.

“Th-there was no one else,” Tao repeated. “I just... I thought of you. Always.”

_“...even after all this time?”_

Tao’s eyes were suspiciously wet again, and right away, Yifan had his answer. And as his heart stuttered to a halt, Yifan found that he had fallen head over heels again, for the same man that had stolen his heart all those years ago.

“Tao, I love you,” Yifan moaned hoarsely, bending down to kiss him.

“I love you, Tao,” he whispered it again - and again, when he began to rock his hips back and forth again - and again, when he began to lose his own rhythm. And when Yifan began to come, triggering a second, silent orgasm from his partner whose eyes immediately began to roll up their head, Yifan said it one last time.

“I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Huang Zitao.”

  
  


-

  
  


_“I - I love you too.”_

His answer came much later, when he’d long pulled out and had wiped his lover clean.

Laying in bed, with his arm over Tao’s waist, he barely heard it. It was quiet, and soft, but it touched Yifan all the same.

So much had happened between them over the years, hadn’t it? A long history that they’d shared, with moments that were both the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

But Yifan knew, with a sense of calm certainty, that despite it all, the two of them would come out of all of this even stronger than before.

Everything... was going to be okay.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  


“Hey, do you remember that weird peacock shirt they put you in back when we first debuted?”

“ _Ahhhhhhh_ \- I was about to fall asleep why would you even bring that nightmare up!”

“You didn’t mind it back then! You even thought those tassel pants were cool, remember?”

“Oh god, can we just leave all this behind us? That was like a lifetime ago!”

“Well, _I_ thought you were pretty cute back then. Alway so needy, and a crybaby, and too scared to go to the bathroom by yourself. Always following me around saying ‘哥~哥~ I’m scared~ there’s a ghost~’!”

“........you’re such a fucking jerk.”

“...no, but really, Tao. You’ve changed a lot since then. I miss the way you were back then, but I like the way you are now too.”

“...yeah, okay, but do you _still_ think I’m cute?”

“How about ‘beautiful’? Does that work?”

“Isn’t beautiful for girls?”

“Fine. What would you rather me use? Handsome? Sexy? Gorgeous?”

“...cute. I _like_ cute. Only when you say it, though, so don’t go spreading that around.”

“Well then, Huang Zitao, you’re the cutest man I’ve ever met.”

“........and you love me the most. Right? Right?”

“And I love you the very, very, _very_ most.”

“...love you too, Wu Yifan. Good night.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read more of my taoris fanfiction, I've got a dozen on my AFF account, under the same username. Check it out!


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